Learning

The mantra of recent reflections of my past year has been LEARNING. Learning, learning, learning. Constantly, everyday evolving and growing... acculturating, giving self-care, loving and living with community-mates, getting an education in teaching primary school, learning Kiswahili (the language spoken here), forming, maintaining and navigating relationships, and then looking back at what’s happened to me over the past year- where I’ve been and the person I’ve become and who I hope to be in the next year here and then beyond. 

I am in a transition phase of finishing up my first year and moving onto a second year of JVC in Tanzania. I will say goodbye to my second-year community-mate and welcome two new JVs in December, as well as finish my first year of teaching at Gonzaga Primary School. I recently joined a few activities (including a church choir) which will be wonderful Tanzanian communities for me during my next year. 

Our entire JV Tanzania community had our re-orientation/dis-orientation retreat two/three weeks ago now which was both beautiful and challenging in many aspects. It was difficult to say goodbye to a year here and look back on all of the things that I both failed and succeeded in. It was wonderful in the sense that I was able to really re-commit myself to my goals and vision for coming here, and enter this second year rejuvenated and ready to live in loving intentionality. It was also painful to say goodbye to a fellow JV who is a second year in Moshi, TZA. I won’t see her again until we are both back in the States in over a year. She has been a person that I've connected to deeply during my time here and I will miss her sisterhood immensely. I feel like I am losing a lifeline; a grounding presence. She has been there when life abroad has seemed a little isolating at times. However, loneliness is a challenge that I've faced both here and at home. It is simply magnified in this context without the usual tools to both suppress it (unhealthy) and combat it (healthy). Therefore, I’m learning to rely on/strengthen other areas within myself:  a deeper spirituality and an emphasis on self-care. These are areas where I feel I am being FORMED, certainly in ways that were unanticipated and that are still unknown to me. I trust that I will continue learning about my own formation as I continue my time in Tanzania. 

Overall, I am finding that I am being balanced. I like to think of it as continually moving toward that which is complete; a more encompassing, gentle, self-knowing self; a deeper understanding of God. Slow, tender work, that reminds me: never stop learning.

Nawapenda

Hello Everyone!

I hope that you are all doing very well in your respective places and thriving in your lives. I miss friends and family from home and wish only the best for any and all who read this.

My time in Tanzania thus far has been flying by. I can’t believe that it is already well into the second semester of my first year at Gonzaga. I’ve actually been feeling that I am getting the hang of teaching lately... with the realization that the use of the word ‘teaching’ is probably an overstatement. I can hold the attention of 42 third graders for about forty minutes and like to call it teaching. It is small steps. I still love my children fiercely and find incredible delight in sharing their lives, their wisdom, their worries and their joys. Of course we have our ups and downs with one another, but I am lucky to say that most days and weeks end in a sense of gratitude to know and love these children.

I’ve been taking Kiswahili lessons for the past month or two with my community-mate Shea. Our teacher’s name is Madame Goudila and she is a Kiswahili teacher from Loyola High School (where Shea teaches). Our lessons have been helpful and I’m feeling more comfortable in conversations using Kiswahili. Of course, I have quite a lot of language-learning to go, but I am feeling much more able to communicate in greater length with my neighbors and friends than I was even a month ago.

The picture that I’m including below is of two of our favorite neighborhood children and me. Amos and Donny are brothers and I get to see them about once a day... more if I’m lucky. Amos is one of the sweetest and most respectful children that I’ve ever met in my life. He greets Shea, Gretchen, and I with, “Shikamoo Uncle/Auntie” which is a greeting of great respect. He is also always seen helping his parents in everyway that he can. His younger brother Donny is also a character and has recently begun to follow us all around the neighborhood. They are special, beautiful children.

I realize that this is a very short update on my life here recently. There’s been an underlying, grounding feeling of peace within me over the past few months. I feel that I’m in a space that is challenging and joyful for me; mostly a healthy balance. I feel that I am always trying to find equilibrium: I’m diving into relationships in Mabibo while aching for friends and family back home; I’m devoting time to my personal self-care while spending energy on my students, my JV community, and the larger community; I’m finding joy and real life here while witnessing much suffering and a shocking reality of death as well; I’m at peace and also passionately moved by my experiences and the people that are shaping them.

In short, I’m extremely grateful to be right where I’m at, tensions included.

Nawapenda (I love you all),

Cat

LAST SATURDAY

An unusually busy day in Tanzania

8:00 am- Wake up

8:05 am- Boil water for coffee and oatmeal

8:20 am- Fill buckets with water, powdered soap and clothes

8:22 am- Do laundry

9:05 am- Hang clothes to dry

9: 15 am- Take compost out and dump in the ditch across the road

9:17 am- Take the garbage to the neighboring compound and burn it

9:35 am- Return and wash the dishes. Begin boiling water in the kettle to be filtered for drinking

9:50 am- Greet Shea (community mate) when he wakes up and chat with him while he has coffee

10:30 am- Greet Gretchen (other community mate) when she emerges from her room. Continue boiling water to be filtered

10: 40 am- Get dressed and gather things to go to Loyola High School and the Jesuit Residence

10:50 am- Leave for Loyola. Greet Baba Gaspar, Mama Mboga, Isaya, Dickson, and other friends along the way

11:05 am- Enter multipurpose hall and listen to Nati (Jesuit friend) while he mixes music

11:55 am- Leave Nati and head toward the Jesuit Residence to use the internet

12:02 pm- Arrive at the Jesuit Residence and try to get caught-up with the cyber world

1:12 pm- Leave the Jesuit Residence. Head for home

1:25 pm- Arrive home to help community mates finish making beans and chapatti for lunch

1:45 pm- Welcome Benard (friend + electrician) into the house to fix a problem with our electricity

1:56 pm- Welcome Peter (one of Shea’s students) into the house to join us for lunch

2:05 pm- Welcome 8 more of Shea’s students into the house for Skittles (gift from Gretchen’s mom), water, and UNO. Postpone finishing lunch

2:08 pm- Determine through broken Kiswahili that Benard needs a ladder and clothes that can get dirty in order to find the problem with the electricity in the roof/ceiling. Apologize profusely

2:10 pm- Welcome Joha (one of my Standard V students) into the house so that she can teach me how to make henna (a dye put on the skin that can last for a few days to a month)

2:12 pm—2:59 pm [whirlwind] - Marvel at Joha’s ability in the kitchen as a 12-year-old. Continue to apologize profusely to dusty, cob-web riddled Benard as he climbs in and out of the ceiling and maneuvers around a houseful of rambunctious 11-15 year olds. Realize I’m more of a hindrance than a help to Joha and resign to watch her and refill the skittle bowl for her. Listen to the boys run in and out of the house while alternating between UNO and football. Continue boiling and filtering water for ourselves and our guests.

3:00 pm- Wait for henna to cool and thicken outside while talking with Joha and playing a new card-game

3:11pm- Apologize again to a slightly-battered looking Benard. Promise to feed him when he’s finished

3:32 pm- Say goodbye to the 9 rambunctious boys. Continue to wait for henna to thicken... add flour to speed-up the process

3:52 pm- Welcome Hodgie (another of Shea’s students) into the house

4:05 pm- Begin to have henna applied to the insides of my hands by Joha

4:20 pm- Realize that Benard is going to have to go to buy a new piece to fix our second fuse-box. Give him beans and chapatti from lunch. Wait for henna to dry on my hands and play cards with Joha

4:50 pm- Say goodbye to Joha

4:55 pm- Say goodbye to Hodgie

4:56 pm- Say “see-you-soon” to Benard

5:00 pm- Eat a piece of bread with peanut butter

5:03 pm- Welcome Evelyn (another of my Standard V students) into the house to play Jenga and UNO with Gretchen and I

5:10 pm- Talk to parents on the phone

5:25 pm- Welcome Benard to the house once more. Play with Evelyn and Gretchen

6:10 pm- Say goodbye to Evelyn

6:20 pm- Say goodbye to Benard and thank him SANA (A LOT)

6:22 pm- Sit

7:00 pm- Go to Mama Mboga’s and Moody’s to buy an egg, peanuts and a mango

7:10 pm- Boil the egg. Cut the mango. Roast peanuts on the stove

7:30 pm- Eat the egg, mango, and peanuts

7:45 pm- Begin a movie with Gretchen and Shea

9:55 pm- Finish movie. Listen to music and chat with Shea

10:15 pm- Get ready for bed

10:25 pm- Attempt yoga

10:45 pm- Sleep

The henna that Joha applied to my hands! Flowers, hearts, Tr. Catherine, and a 'J' for Joha :)

An over-due update!

The following blog-post is one that I drafted last Saturday afternoon with the intent of posting the next day. However, at 4:45 am last Sunday morning I woke with a high fever, headache and (hope you’re not squeamish) diarrhea. By the time my community-mates had come home from mass, I had fainted in my doorway from my illness and dehydration. I wound up in a local hospital with an IV in my arm for nine hours that Sunday. This hospital could not find anything wrong with me (not malaria, typhoid, or any of the other usual diagnoses) and they sent me home with a shot of pain medication in my butt and a hefty amount of Tylenol. After spending a rough night on the toilet, I knew that I wasn’t simply suffering from the Flu. So on Monday I decided to take myself to a Dutch clinic in town that was recommended to us by a family friend in Dar es Salaam. I have to admit that it was comforting to see a doctor who spoke English by this point; I don’t think I’ve ever been so sick in my life. I was diagnosed with an ameba and a bacterial infection in my intestine. I was prescribed some medication and am on the mend! Thankfully, I only had to miss the first two days of school this week. So, without further ado, here’s the blog-post that should have been up last week:

Mambo Vipi!

I hope that you are all doing really well. It’s been too long since my last blog-post. Life got BUSY for me in March... which was actually quite stressful at some points, but also exciting. My busyness meant having the comfort to throw myself into this new place in my life and to feel part of it all here.

I battled an illness at one point in early March that really made me saddened by the reality of health-care here. We had a past volunteer, Suzy, come to visit with her law school and we had so much fun swapping stories and seeing the love that she still receives from the Mabibo community. My second-year community-mate, Gretchen, had her family here for nine days! It was wonderful to meet them and to be part of sharing Gretchen’s life for the last year and a half (or so) with her family.

Following the visit of Gretchen’s family, we prepared, typed, proctored, and marked all of the mid-term tests for our students, and then we said goodbye to them for the past two weeks while we went on break. This vacation time has been such a blessing for me. I have really been able to focus on a little bit of self-care (getting caught-up on sleep, laundry, journaling, etc.) and also on building and strengthening relationships here. I have been dancing, have had dinners, and have gone into town with new friends that I and my community-mates are making. In fact, Shea and I traveled to the beach a few days ago with our friend Nati (a Jesuit scholastic) and had a great time swimming in the Indian Ocean while a beautiful rainstorm broke over us.

One of the best things that I did over break was to visit another JV house in Moshi. My fellow JV friends showed me around Moshi and it was great to catch a glimpse of their lives there. It was so wonderful to be able to talk with them and to share our stories, struggles, and joys. I also loved the nature and beauty of Moshi. I was able to see Mt. Kilimanjaro and let me tell you: It is beautiful. The mountains, fields, and GREEN in Moshi were rejuvenating for me, and I was able to re-center myself again for the coming weeks.

 So while the past two months have been crazy, it feels like LIFE... not just a visit somewhere or an extended stay. I’m really happy. I feel like I am where I should be right now. I am living in a way that I’ve wanted to live for so long, and I am coming to find that it does suit me well! I’ve found so much peace with the intentionality that I certainly struggled with at first. I realized that I experienced rather intense culture shock over the first month or two of my time here in Dar. But after I recognized what was happening, I was able to work through it all and find the ME that I was hoping to discover and cultivate.

I hope that you are all doing well and, if you’re in the States, are enjoying Spring! I love receiving emails, letters, and packages from you all. Thank you for your communication. It really does mean so much to me, even if I am not always able to reciprocate. I love and miss you all!

Only good things,

Cat

Realness 2- Similarity

One of my students asked me for Justin Beiber’s* email address this week.

I told her I’d have it to her tomorrow.

(HELP!)

Also, my kids play football (soccer) here at recess everyday. I was invited to play keeper this past week, and have thoroughly enjoyed myself. However, my kids play with a ball that is flat from a large hole. If anyone that is reading this feels called, I’m sure my kids would LOVE a working soccer ball (with a pump). You can mail it to the address on the screen. Thank you so much!

I love and miss everyone of you daily.

*For those of you who may not know Justin Beiber, he is a teen-pop sensation who has literally swept the world with his catchy, upbeat tunes (I’ve heard his music blared in the USA, the Dominican Republic, and now Tanzania).

Realness 1- Vulnerability

Being thrown into a situation of vulnerability,

of not only being “out of your comfort zone” but literally “into a discomfort zone”,

of the floor/ground/platform that you’ve built all of your support-structures on being taken out from under you,

of so much unfamiliarity,

of the different and the startling sameness,

is beautiful

and

freakin’ tough.

Especially at the beginning.

But totally worth it.

“... Our fullest ‘solidarity with the poor,’ no matter how wealthy or destitute we may be, will be our willingness to enter into the mystery of our own unmanageable humanity.

Every instant of faith or of hope or of love, so fragile and fraught with insecurity, is the embodiment of this poverty of our humanness.

It is when we are most weak, indeed.

And it is when we are most strong, most creative, most stunning in beauty, most empty.”

-         Vulnerability in Faces of Poverty, Faces of Christ John Kavanaugh and Mev Puleo

 My Room!

 A letter from a student :)

 The front of my house!

 My clothes hanging out in our compound. The big black tank in the back is our water tank that is filled by the governement randomly. The door is where our drop-toilet is and where I prefer to take my bucket showers.

This is my Tanzanian Family in our living room when we had them over for dinner a few weeks ago!

I am a teacher!

Hello family and friends! It has been a long time since my last post, and I am sorry for such a delay. I look back on the past three weeks and can’t really believe everything that has changed in my life. I am a TEACHER. The magnitude of that statement continues to surprise me because a short three weeks ago, I had never even imagined the reality of teaching children. I am a teacher; I can say it not necessarily with a lot of confidence or authority yet, but I can say it with a large spoonful of humility. I am already falling in love with my kids. They have produced in me incredible energy and exhaustion; tears and laughter; frustration and patience; sadness and joy. They are incredible. I am learning about their lives, worries, struggles, joys, and loves (believe it or not, Hannah Montana and Justin Beiber make the list of loves for many of my kids).The energy, positivity, and naivety that I encounter everyday at school reminds me of the joys of childhood and the blessing of working with children.

For example, I was surprised on one of my first days of Standard 3 (third grade) science class when I was approached by one of my students in the middle of a lesson. I was fumbling through teaching the class how to clean their “private parts” when this little girl got out of her desk to tell me that her neighbor had stolen her pen (or scribbled in her notebook, or poked her arm, etc.) Pen stealing is the biggest grievance in my classroom that often dominates my 40 min lessons. I usually spend a great deal of time consoling the students lacking pens, while playing detective to try to find the thieves. These worries amuse me GREATLY at my best, and baffle/frustrate me at my worst (and after the tenth student has tried to get out of his/her desk to complain of a stolen pen).

So while I am reminded of this universal innocence of children, I am also astounded by the lives of Tanzanian children outside of the classroom. I teach science for standard 3, English for standard 5, and Religion for standard 4. Most of my students could navigate themselves around the alleys and lanes of Mabibo (the neighborhood/area of Dar that I live in) far better than I could. They could also probably cook a meal better than I could, and they could get their school uniforms cleaner every night by hand-washing than I could. These children are resilient and adept at working hard. They know responsibility in their day-to-day lives in a way that I am trying to “adjust” to. I am still adjusting to hand-washing clothing, bucket showers, and the process of preparing food here. I am adjusting to the almost daily power-cuts and to getting water from a spigot outside and boiling and filtering it before it is drinkable. These kids could teach ME a lot on how to live a life that requires a lot of intentionality and work in the everyday basics. The porridge in the morning and the beans and rice that these kids receive at lunch everyday is, for many, the only food that they will see that week. My kids can spend hours playing with sticks, stones, and make-shift toys from the garbage on the roads. When these toys are lost or destroyed, their acceptance and seeming indifference, without tears or complaints of the loss of their great joy that day, is profound. I both admire it and am saddened by it. Many of my students know the pain of loosing parents or immediate family members very early in life. Many are orphans, and many are living with relatives because parents have passed away.

While these are troubling notes to leave this post on, I think that the most important thing to relay to you is that these children are changing my life and I'm so happy to be able to share their lives with them.

Thank you for reading and I hope that you are doing well wherever you are at!

I miss my friends and family so much, and think of so you all constantly.

Amani na upendo,

Cat

Gratitude

“Sanctity has to do with gratitude. To be a saint is to be fueled by gratitude, nothing more and nothing less” (The Holy Longing).

I came across this quote recently while reading The Holy Longing: A Guide to Christian Spirituality, and found so much truth in these words. (I recommend the book highly!) I have been learning so much about GRATITUDE here, especially gratitude for the privileges that I have had within my life. What shocked me at first about my lifestyle in Tanzania is now becoming routine. I am learning to love the intentionality and simplicity of my lifestyle. I am grateful for the life that I am living now, and for the life that I have always known in the United States. As a prayer/journal entry the other day, I wrote about all of the things that I was grateful for in that moment. I decided to share it here because I think that it can give you all a taste of my life and my transition here:

In gratitude for loving parents.

In gratitude for family and friends (especially conversations on Facebook chat!).

In gratitude for the CHOICE of this life of voluntary simplicity (of limiting my choices), and recognizing this choice as the greatest privilege of all. **For a long time, I have been so focused on my own personal comfort/discomfort here that I’ve forgotten about the privilege that is wrapped up in a decision to be able to choose not to have: reliable electricity; running water (hand-washing dishes, laundry, bucket showers); the ability to contact whomever I want, whenever I want; the ability to be surrounded by people of my culture, language, and race; the ability to wear whatever clothing that I want; the ability to have choices about the food that I eat; the ability to have the support structures that I know and rely on; etc. All of these choices that are limited for me right now have allowed me to deeply examine my own privilege as a privilege of choice. To have the choice to “give up” these privileges for a while is the greatest privilege of all. My neighbors, students and friends here do not have this same privilege of choice. I am grateful to be able to attempt solidarity with them for the next two years.

In gratitude for this more intentional and simply lifestyle.

In gratitude for letters and packages (especially with Peanut M&Ms!)

In gratitude for community.

In gratitude for challenges.

In gratitude for the Muslim call to prayer that I hear in the mornings at 4:30 am.

In gratitude for running around a soccer field.

In gratitude for Jesuits.

In gratitude for children.

In gratitude for tea, and rice and beans.

In gratitude for all of my beautiful, loving relationships.

Jambo!

Shea and I in our new Ketange (African fabric made into clothing) + braided hair!

Jambo! (Response: Sijambo!)

Happy Holidays to everyone! I hope that you are all doing well in your respective places. Life has been incredibly busy for me lately, and I apologize for any lack in communication. I wanted to update you all on the major points in my life in Tanzania thus far:

I had a homestay with a wonderful family about four weeks ago. They overfed me, taught me more Kiswahili than I can remember, gave me LOTS of gifts, and showed me incredible hospitality. It was beautiful and their generosity is astounding; so much so that during my second week in country, it was beautiful, but a little overwhelming. For example, I really tested the stamina of the muscles in my neck and the pain-receptors in my head when they insisted that I have my hair braided in the African fashion. I had 35 little tiny braids on my head that took about 6 hours to complete. It was fun, but they didn’t last long and I took them out about a week later. My homestay went so well that my Tanzanian family asked me and the Jesuit who organized the whole thing if I could live with them for the full two years! While I had to decline, I have been able to see them a few times since my stay there, including a delicious Christmas dinner, and a visit to the shops that my Tanzanian mama owns.

Two weeks ago we met up with the Jesuit Volunteer (JV) communities from Dodoma and Moshi for a retreat in Tanga, a city on the northern coast. The retreat center was beautiful and a perfect spot for reflection and solitude in nature. The Indian Ocean has incredible tides that allow you to walk out on the ocean floor for about a half of a mile in the morning without getting even your toes wet, and then to swim in water high above your head on that same path in the afternoon. It was such a beautiful and rejuvenating retreat space.

After the retreat, all nine of us boarded the bus and went back to Dar es Salaam. We celebrated Christmas, explored the city together, and generally introduced our new home to the other JVs during this time. It was wonderful to have the other communities see our home and our schools, and thus have a basis for supporting us throughout our time here. One fun activity that we did was to visit a sort of museum that had life-size replicas of homes from the different tribes in Tanzania. Tanzania has MANY different tribes, and people still highly associate with and take much pride in their tribal ancestry. In rural places, one can still find Masai and other tribal villages existing in ways similar to life one-hundred years ago. In the cities, while all tribal rituals and customs cannot always be practiced, a sense of the culture seems to be cherished and kept by people from each tribe. I sometimes get asked what tribe I come from in the United States. It can be quite an ordeal to explain that I do not come from a tribe in this Tanzanian sense.

After our time in Dar, the nine of us went to Dodoma for a short trip to celebrate New Years and to see the new school that Sean and Laura (two other JVs) will be working at. Dodoma is a beautiful place and I am so excited for the new school and Jesuit Volunteer presence there. The weather is decidedly cooler and drier in Dodoma than here is Dar... and it was a little bit of a luxury to feel cool enough at night to want to use a sheet!

It was crazy to celebrate the holiday season in such heat. Christmas didn’t quite feel like Christmas without some snow, hot chocolate, and a fire in the fire-place (not to mention being without my family for the first time in my 22 years).  However, I was able to celebrate in this climate with a more extended idea of family, while still missing mine terribly! Our JV community exchanged Christmas cards, listened to Christmas music, and brought in the New Year with some games and dancing. We also were able to celebrate this time with our new Tanzanian community that will become like family over the next two years.

I start school on January 10^th! Exactly a week from now I will be standing in front of 3^rd-5^th graders, expected to teach English, science, and religion. I am pretty nervous for this task of exciting little minds to learn, especially at such a young age. However, I am also INCREDIBLY excited! I can’t wait to fall in love with my students, their families, my co-workers, and the larger community. I look forward to getting into a more established routine and diving into what will be my life for the next two years.

A few last thoughts:

PLEASE READ my community-mate’s blog (Shea) if you would like a beautiful and much more creative spin on our lives thus far: www.sheapatrickintanzania.blogspot.com

If you would like to send a package, here are a few tips to ensure that it gets to me: 1) Keep it under 4 pounds, otherwise I will have to pay an arm and a leg for it 2) Try to put it in plastic packaging rather than paper. This will make it less likely for it to “accidentally” be broken-into. 3) When declaring the items in the package, put the lowest possible pricing for each item (think, “garage-sale prices”), again so that the package is less likely to be tampered with.

Life here has been an intense adjustment that I am still gently working through every day. I am starting to be able to do little things on my own, such as walk to the duka (little corner store or colmado for those that have been to the Dominican Republic) and buy food for us to cook for meals, walk to the Jesuit residence for the occasional morning run, and do the general tasks of personal-care and up-keep of the house. I am starting to make friends in the larger Tanzanian community and am making a plan to learn much more Kiswahili (the word for Swahili in Swahili... much like Espanol for Spanish) to help me build relationships. I am becoming more and more excited about this experience as the initial shock and trepidation wears off.

Please keep sending me letters and e-mails! Keep the conversation alive! I LOVE hearing from you all, and I will hopefully be more consistent in responding while stepping into a more structured lifestyle.

Thank you for reading and have a WONDERFUL day! Loving and missing you all.